These
are True Stories - a few have done the rounds of email and joke lists - most have
been contributed following appeals here and on newsgroups
(sci.med.nursing
and uk.sci.med.nursing). |
 | "Patient
ambulates independantly in hell with front wheeled walker." Could they have
meant 'hall'? Thanks, Josie! |
| "patient
may shower with assistants..." I think they probably meant to say "assistance".
Who knows? |
| Julie
found this on her chart ... "The patient was prepped and raped in the usual
manner."(She had some surgery done.) |
| "Her
pap smear was done on the floor" |
| "Patient’s
skin is pale with pussy drainage from penus." And, says Julie: "No kidding!!!
A RN wrote this!!!" |
| "The
infant had no advantageous heart sounds", Patricia reports |
| "Shortness
of breath on excretion", Billynda tells me, should have been "exertion" |
| "Patient
lying in bed. Easily aroused" - the patient had a penile implant; easy mistake
for a first semester student. No? |
| "Scrotal
dressing intact" - when last seen was a sacral dressing. |
| "Pedal
pulses diminished" - which was reasonable, as both of the patient's legs
had been amputated. |
| Darcy
Tuttle was updating colleagues about a complex case with multiple issues. "
If we don't get a handle on whatever this infection is, he is going to go into
multiple orgasm failure." Sad guy! |
| Barb
asked the patient "when did you start feeling deak and wizzy?" While
the other staff laughed, the patient asked "Honey is it time for you to go
home yet?" That was three years ago, and the story is retold daily. "Deak
and wizzy" is now standard terminology. |
| Nina
didn't quite mean: "Patient nauseated but refused anti-emetics as he stated
he'd feel much better if he could just get it up " |
| Yvonne
confessed to writing "Patient found this nurse in bed hot and diaphoretic." |
| "Foley
cath patent, no charge from penis." |
| "Pt
has been hospitalized for constipation twice within the last 60 days. Several
tests were run but nothing concrete came out." |
| "Upon
entering the patient's room, he stated, "get the f**K out", and I beat
a hasty retreat." |
| "Patient
had green pussy fluid draining from his arm." (Patient had an injury resulting
from an accident with farm machinery) |
| "Large
brown stool ambulating in hallway" (Picture the scene ...) |
| Patient
is awake and alert with many visitors in bed. |
| "Red,
hot and throbbing between her thighs." (Patient had spilled coffee on herself.) |
| "Patient
arouses to verbal and tactile stimuli combined." (following a penile implant) |
| "Patient
found pulseless and without respirations at 10:00 AM. Had vomited profuse hematemesis
and been incontinent of watery black stool. MD notified. Mess left for family."
(The nurse meant 'message') |
| "Patient
able to bend at the knee and eat himself." |
| "The
resident came in from the garden and threw a cow at the television." (The
cow being an ornament) |
| "She
was sick after coming back from the zoo as she had eaten too many penguins."
(Chocolate bars) |
| "He
was masturbating all night and kept coming out of his room." |
| "The
patient states that he has been feeling much better since he stopped drinking
and going to church." |
| "Drinking
good amounts of urine" wrote a newly qualified staff nurse on a paediatric
ward |
| "The
patient was brought to the Operating Room in shocking condition" ... the
patient was taken stat to the OR in Trendelenburg for a massive bleed; in shock
position. |
| "The
patient's postop ileus slowly resolved. By postop day 7, he was passing lettuce
and deemed ready for discharge. |
| "She
has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in
bed last night" |
| "She
is numb from her toes down" |
| "She
stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,
until she got a
divorce" |
| "Both
breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation" |
| "The
patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job
as a stockbroker
instead" |
| | |
| ...
waiting for your contribution ... |
| | Privacy
