 | You
can please some of the patients all of the time, and
all of the patients some of the time, but you just can’t
please the family. | |
Management truly believes you are overpaid. But would
never work for what they pay you. |
| People
farthest from your work area are the least needy - and
least afraid of pushing the nurse call. Invariably. |
|
The more minor the injury, the more angry that person
is for having to wait. While the little old guy with
crushing chest pain says, "Oh, it's ok, I've waited
this long already..." |
| Your
patient is finally absorbing their NG feed after days
of aspirating - but they pull the tube out just before
the consultant does his ward round. |
| The
number of staff to be found on the ward is inversely
proportional to the scale of the emergency. |
| You've
just given a patient a meal - pie, roast potatoes and
a sponge pudding with custard - when the consultant
says they're ready for the operation. |
| A
very healthy patient, when admitted to a very small
room, will require a vent, a cooling blanket, hemofilter,
six pumps and a digital television before the end of
your shift, requiring you to climb over the bed to get
out of the room. | | The
hospital always sends admissions to your nursing home
at change of shift on your weekend on - the physician's
weekend off. | | The
lift always breaks down when the 400 pound patient needs
to be transferred from one bed to another. |
| You
tell your patient, "If you need anything at all,
just push the button and I'll be there". She smiles
and says she's "Fine, thank you nurse."
The next morning she complains to the physician, "No
one came near me all night and I couldn't sleep, because
I was in agony." | |
In a life threatening emergency, the speed of the
doctor's response is inversely proportional to the speed
of the patient's decline. |
| That
enema you gave four hours ago produces a huge code brown
just five minutes before the end of your shift. |
|
| |
Compiled
through the generosity of members of sci.med.nursing
since 1998, and visitors to RealNurse. Later additions:
Thanks to
Alan J. Horn, Cari Czajkoski,
CARoantree, Harish Sonigra, Beth O'Brien, Nancy O'Leary,
Marcus, Eileen, Orville Fisher, Harish Sonigra, Marianne,
Herbst, Deb, bOmdOtkOm, Missy Dixon, NurseByrne, Senor
Wences, Ray, Marnie, Sassy, Mike, Bo, Terri, Mary, Jennifer,
Dee - they own copyright on their contributions.
The Original Murphy's
Nurses Compilation © 1998 - 2007 A.
Heenan | |
| 