 | You
can please some of the patients all of the time, and all of the patients some
of the time, but you just can’t please the family. |
|
Management truly believes you are overpaid. But would never work for what they
pay you. | | People
farthest from your work area are the least needy - and least afraid of pushing
the nurse call. Invariably. | |
The more minor the injury, the more angry that person is for having to wait.
While the little old guy with crushing chest pain says, "Oh, it's ok, I've
waited this long already..." |
| Your
patient is finally absorbing their NG feed after days of aspirating - but they
pull the tube out just before the consultant does his ward round. |
| The
number of staff to be found on the ward is inversely proportional to the scale
of the emergency. | | You've
just given a patient a meal - pie, roast potatoes and a sponge pudding with custard
- when the consultant says they're ready for the operation. |
| A
very healthy patient, when admitted to a very small room, will require a vent,
a cooling blanket, hemofilter, six pumps and a digital television before the end
of your shift, requiring you to climb over the bed to get out of the room. |
| The
hospital always sends admissions to your nursing home at change of shift on your
weekend on - the physician's weekend off. |
| The
lift always breaks down when the 400 pound patient needs to be transferred from
one bed to another. | | You
tell your patient, "If you need anything at all, just push the button and
I'll be there". She smiles and says she's "Fine, thank you nurse."
The next morning she complains to the physician, "No one came near me
all night and I couldn't sleep, because I was in agony." |
|
In a life threatening emergency, the speed of the doctor's response is inversely
proportional to the speed of the patient's decline. |
| That
enema you gave four hours ago produces a huge code brown just five minutes before
the end of your shift. | |
| |
Compiled through the generosity of members
of sci.med.nursing since 1998, and visitors to RealNurse. Later additions: Thanks to
Alan J. Horn, Cari Czajkoski, CARoantree, Harish Sonigra, Beth O'Brien, Nancy
O'Leary, Marcus, Eileen, Orville Fisher, Harish Sonigra, Marianne, Herbst, Deb,
bOmdOtkOm, Missy Dixon, NurseByrne, Senor Wences, Ray, Marnie, Sassy, Mike, Bo,
Terri, Mary, Jennifer, Dee - they own copyright on their contributions. The
Original Murphy's Nurses Compilation
© 1998 - 2007 A. Heenan | |
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