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Nurse's Dictionary

A to CD to HI to OP to ST to Z

Pacemaker ~ Time and motion study on a cardiac ward.
Pap Smear
~ A fatherhood test.
Parenterally ~ A doting mom or dad.
Parenteral Feeding ~ Involving the parents at meal times.
Pathologist ~ patient living with pathology (qv).
Pathology ~ Counting the cracks on a paved surface.
Pediatric ~ Passing urine in a hat to amuse the kids.
Pelvis ~ Cousin to Elvis.
Pelvic Floor Exercises ~ Keeping fit with Elvis-style dancing.
Platelets ~ For pateints with small appetites.
Postoperative ~ A letter carrier.
Pressure Areas ~ Understaffed departments.
Private Hospital ~ Where soldiers go for treatment.
Pronation ~ A patriot.
Protein ~ In favor of young people.
Psittacosis ~ Pneumonia resulting from a sedentary lifestyle.
Psychiatrist ~ One who collects the rent (see Neurotic; Psychotic).
Psychotic
~ One who lives in castles in the air (See Neurotic; Psychiatrist).
Pubic hair ~ A type of wild rabbit.
P-wave ~ Commode required. Now-ish.
Pyrexia ~ Uncontrollable urge to set things on fire.

Radiology ~ Never missing your favourite show on the radio.
Rectum
~ Dang near killed 'em.
Redivac ~ Hoover for hire.
Rhesus Factor ~ Reality TV for monkeys.
RTA ~ Dyslexic expression of creativity or imagination, or both

Safety Pin ~ Restraint manouvreused by security personnel.
Secretion
~ Hiding anything.
Seizure ~ Roman Emperor.
Senna ~ Record-breaking Brazilian racing driver.
Senna Tablets ~ Make you go. Faster.
Serology ~ Study of English knighthood.
Sickle Cell ~ Communist spy ring.
Skin Graft ~ Bribery and corruption in plastic surgery.
Sliding Scale ~ Drunkeness defined by the frequency of falls.
S.O.B ~ Not a nice guy.
Social Workers ~ people who promote a friendly atmosphere at work.
Sphincter ~ What Pharaohs are buried in.
Staph ~ Your colleagues.
Stat ~ Like New York or California.
Sternum ~ The unfunny bone.
Stool Chart ~ Seating options, in order of preference.
Stool Specimen ~ Sit there until you provide what we need.
Sub Cut ~ Not quite drunk.
Sublingual ~ Can hardly talk.
Suppository ~ Dining room.
Surgical Pad ~ Accomodation for on-call medic.
Suspension ~ Expectation of post-retirement income.

 

 

 
25 June 2008 | Copyright Andrew Heenan |
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