| Pacemaker
~ Time and motion study on a cardiac ward.
Pap
Smear ~ A fatherhood test.
Parenterally
~ A doting mom or dad.
Parenteral Feeding
~ Involving the parents at meal times.
Pathologist
~ patient living with pathology (qv).
Pathology
~ Counting the cracks on a paved surface.
Pediatric
~ Passing urine in a hat to amuse the kids.
Pelvis
~ Cousin to Elvis.
Pelvic Floor Exercises
~ Keeping fit with Elvis-style dancing.
Platelets
~ For pateints with small appetites.
Postoperative
~ A letter carrier.
Pressure Areas ~ Understaffed
departments.
Private Hospital ~ Where soldiers
go for treatment.
Pronation ~ A patriot.
Protein ~ In favor of young people.
Psittacosis
~ Pneumonia resulting from a sedentary lifestyle.
Psychiatrist
~ One who collects the rent (see Neurotic; Psychotic).
Psychotic
~ One who lives in castles in the air (See Neurotic;
Psychiatrist).
Pubic hair ~ A type of
wild rabbit.
P-wave ~ Commode required. Now-ish.
Pyrexia
~ Uncontrollable urge to set things on fire. Radiology
~ Never missing your favourite show on the radio.
Rectum
~ Dang near killed 'em.
Redivac ~ Hoover for
hire.
Rhesus Factor ~ Reality TV for monkeys.
RTA
~ Dyslexic expression of creativity or imagination,
or both Safety Pin ~ Restraint manouvreused
by security personnel.
Secretion ~ Hiding
anything.
Seizure ~ Roman Emperor.
Senna
~ Record-breaking Brazilian racing driver.
Senna
Tablets ~ Make you go. Faster.
Serology
~ Study of English knighthood.
Sickle Cell ~ Communist
spy ring.
Skin Graft ~ Bribery and corruption
in plastic surgery.
Sliding Scale ~ Drunkeness
defined by the frequency of falls.
S.O.B
~ Not a nice guy.
Social Workers ~ people
who promote a friendly atmosphere at work.
Sphincter
~ What Pharaohs are buried in.
Staph ~ Your
colleagues.
Stat ~ Like New York or California.
Sternum
~ The unfunny bone.
Stool Chart ~ Seating
options, in order of preference.
Stool Specimen
~ Sit there until you provide what we need.
Sub
Cut ~ Not quite drunk.
Sublingual ~ Can
hardly talk.
Suppository ~ Dining room.
Surgical
Pad ~ Accomodation for on-call medic.
Suspension
~ Expectation of post-retirement income. | 
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