Kindle 2: Amazon's New Wireless Reading Device (Latest Generation)
advertisements
Kindle 2: Amazon's New Wireless Reading Device (Latest Generation)

Book Store
 
Andrew Heenan's Real Nurse Articles

About

Humur Home Page
AnaComical
Bumper Sticker
Coincidental RN
RN Dictionary
Doctor, Doctor
Ideopathic RN
Murphy's Nurses
True Stories
Nurse Writers
and cartoons by
Kaz, Nurstoon

Nurse's Dictionary

 A to DE to LM to PR to Z 

Malabsorption ~ Stalking Malcolm.
Malformation
~ Everyone on parade seems to be called Malcolm.
Mammogram
~ Urgent message to mother.
Manometer
~ Device for measuring masculinity.
Marsupialization
~ Excision of kangaroo.
Menstrual cycle
~ Has three wheels.
Migraine ~ Farmer asserting property rights over his crops.
Minor Operation ~ Digging for coal.
Minor Surgery ~ Pediatric operations.
Miscarriage ~ Poor manual handling technique.
Misuse of Drugs ~ Substance abuse by unmarried women.
Monocyte ~ Blind in one eye.
Morbid ~ A higher offer.
MRSA ~ Mr A's wife.

Nasal Speculae ~ Spectacles without earpieces; Pince-nez.
Neurotic
~ One who builds castles in the air (see Psychotic).
Nitrates
~ Cheaper than day rates.
Node ~ Was aware of.
Nurses Uniform ~ They all look equally underpaid.
Nursery ~ Where health care workers are reared.

O.D. ~ Something strange.
Operation ~ Unable to get to the opera as often as you'd like to.
Orchidectomy ~ Cutting out unwanted flowers.
Organic ~ Church musician.
Outpatient ~ A person who fainted.

Pacemaker ~ Time and motion study on a cardiac ward.
Pap Smear
~ A fatherhood test.
Parenterally ~ A doting mom or dad.
Parenteral Feeding ~ Involving the parents at meal times.
Pathologist ~ patient living with pathology (qv).
Pathology ~ Counting the cracks on a paved surface.
Pediatric ~ Passing urine in a hat to amuse the kids.
Pelvis ~ Cousin to Elvis.
Pelvic Floor Exercises ~ Keeping fit with Elvis-style dancing.
Platelets ~ For pateints with small appetites.
Postoperative ~ A letter carrier.
Pressure Areas ~ Understaffed departments.
Private Hospital ~ Where soldiers go for treatment.
Pronation ~ A patriot.
Protein ~ In favor of young people.
Psittacosis ~ Pneumonia resulting from a sedentary lifestyle.
Psychiatrist ~ One who collects the rent (see Neurotic; Psychotic).
Psychotic
~ One who lives in castles in the air (See Neurotic; Psychiatrist).
Pubic hair ~ A type of wild rabbit.
P-wave ~ Commode required. Now-ish.
Pyrexia ~ Uncontrollable urge to set things on fire.

 A to DE to LM to PR to Z 
 

If you know of a nurse who's temporarily hospitalized, send a standard nurses dictionary, a printout of these pages and a pen - that should help while away the hours!

 
10 January 2010 | Copyright Andrew Heenan | | Privacy
RealNurse.net

This website is certified by Health On the Net Foundation. Click to verify. This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information:
verify here.