| Malabsorption ~ Stalking Malcolm.
Malformation
~ Everyone on parade seems to be called Malcolm.
Mammogram ~ Urgent
message to mother.
Manometer ~ Device for measuring masculinity.
Marsupialization
~ Excision of kangaroo.
Menstrual cycle ~ Has three wheels.
Migraine
~ Farmer asserting property rights over his crops.
Minor Operation
~ Digging for coal.
Minor Surgery ~ Pediatric operations.
Miscarriage
~ Poor manual handling technique.
Misuse of Drugs ~ Substance abuse
by unmarried women.
Monocyte ~ Blind in one eye.
Morbid ~
A higher offer.
MRSA ~ Mr A's wife. Nasal Speculae ~ Spectacles
without earpieces; Pince-nez.
Neurotic ~ One who builds castles in the
air (see Psychotic).
Nitrates ~ Cheaper than day rates.
Node
~ Was aware of.
Nurses Uniform ~ They all look equally underpaid.
Nursery
~ Where health care workers are reared. O.D. ~ Something strange.
Operation
~ Unable to get to the opera as often as you'd like to.
Orchidectomy
~ Cutting out unwanted flowers.
Organic ~ Church musician.
Outpatient
~ A person who fainted. Pacemaker ~ Time and motion study on a cardiac
ward.
Pap Smear ~ A fatherhood test.
Parenterally ~ A doting
mom or dad.
Parenteral Feeding ~ Involving the parents at meal times.
Pathologist
~ patient living with pathology (qv).
Pathology ~ Counting the
cracks on a paved surface.
Pediatric ~ Passing urine in a hat to amuse
the kids.
Pelvis ~ Cousin to Elvis.
Pelvic Floor Exercises
~ Keeping fit with Elvis-style dancing.
Platelets ~ For pateints with
small appetites.
Postoperative ~ A letter carrier.
Pressure Areas
~ Understaffed departments.
Private Hospital ~ Where soldiers go for
treatment.
Pronation ~ A patriot.
Protein ~ In favor of
young people.
Psittacosis ~ Pneumonia resulting from a sedentary lifestyle.
Psychiatrist
~ One who collects the rent (see Neurotic; Psychotic).
Psychotic
~ One who lives in castles in the air (See Neurotic; Psychiatrist).
Pubic hair ~ A type of wild rabbit.
P-wave ~ Commode required.
Now-ish.
Pyrexia ~ Uncontrollable urge to set things on fire. | 
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