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Nurse's Dictionary

A to CD to HI to OP to ST to Z

Data protection ~ Condom.
Decibel
~ A tenth of a bell.
Decongestant ~ Scheme for removing traffic from urban areas.
Defecation ~ Mistaking BS for the word of God.
Delivery Suite ~ Home delivery desserts service.
Dermatology ~ The study of Irish males.
Diabetic ~ Welshman obsessed with gambling.
Dialysis ~ Welsh patient keeping his family informed
Diamorphine ~ Narcotic for Welshmen.
Dilate ~ To live long.
Dipsomaniac ~ Compulsive swimmer.
Disarticulation ~ Difficulty speaking.
Discharge Lounge ~ Waiting area for patients needing wound dressings.
Dislocation ~ Confusion about where you are.
Distension ~ Righteous anger when disrespected.
Drip Stand ~ No seating for idiots.
Drug Chart ~ Listing meds in order of popularity.
Drug Dependency ~ Medicine that does what it says on the pack.

E.M.T ~ Nothing in it.
Endotracheal Tube ~ Currently out of stock.
Enema ~ [1]Not a friend. [2] Rapper's mother.
Episiotomy ~ Usually avoidable surgery to make the doctor feel better.
Exfoliated ~ catheter removed.

Factor 8 ~ 8th qualifying heats for the X-factor.
Fallopian tube
~ Part of a television set.
Fetus ~ A character in "Gun Smoke".
Fluid Balance ~ Carrying drinks across the bar without spilling a drop.
Florence Nightingale ~ Italian stopover marred by stormy weather.

Ganglion ~ Big cat with long limbs and poor coordination.
Gastrectomy
~ Relief of wind.
Geriatrics
~ German illusionists.
G.I.
~ A soldier.
Glasgow Coma Scale ~ Scottish alcohol intake ratings.
Glazed Expression ~ Occupational disease of window cleaners.

Hangnail ~ Coat hook.
Heroin ~ Nurse who can face another shift without narcotic support.
Hernia ~ She's too close for comfort.
Hickman Line ~ Railway used by out of town yokels.
High Dependency Unit ~ Facility for addiction to extreme mountaineering.
H.O.H ~ A prostitute.
Homeopathy ~ Sympathetic to the challenges faced by the gay community.
Hospital Porter ~ Health service's own-brand ale.
Human Resources ~ bank for transplantible organs.
Hydration ~ What anorexics do with their food.
Hypotension ~ Not tight enough.
Hypertension ~ [1] Too tight. [2] A period of high anxiety.
Hysterectomy ~ Removal of overexcited woman.

 

 

 
25 June 2008 | Copyright Andrew Heenan |
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